Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
