he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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