Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
