She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
