No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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