Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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