You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
