Pants 0. Shit 1.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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