none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
look no pants
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
