where does the pee come out of this thing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
