So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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