How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We need to rekindle our bromance
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
