I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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