maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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