WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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