he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
