I only kidnapped one of them. chill
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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