Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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