You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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