I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He better not be in your backpack
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
