It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
