Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
