i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
