I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
