im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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