literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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