Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
