Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm too high and old for this...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
