just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
