you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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