your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
