Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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