she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
