why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
