On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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