Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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