Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He? As in you personified your dick?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
