Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
