I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
