Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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