I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
