no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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