i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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