I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
