My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
