dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
