So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
as a side note pls kill me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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