Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
