Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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