I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
