Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
